13 Ways to Live in Moment, Happily!!
I am on a plane on way to Seattle. I am going to teach closing argument for Gerry Spence's Trial Lawyers College.
Sitting next to me is Dennis Whittie. He is coming to intern. He just graduated law school, works as police officer and taking bar exam. I met Dennis when I judged him in his law school trial class.
Dennis is excited to take part of this trial skills program. I am excited to teach and see old friends.
We just finished talking about improv. I am excited to play improv with my friends and hopefully get a chance to teach the students improv way of life. I am convinced improv is the secret to happiness and success in whatever you do. Doesn't matter if you're lawyer, stay at home mom or teacher. It applies to living.
I just had improv moment while playing board game with family. It was charades based game.
Children are master improvisers. They know how to take a cardboard box and turn it into a rocket in the moment. Imagination is all they need.
Plus, children aren't self conscious. They walk up to kids they don't know and ask, "Wanna play?" Or better yet, they just join the game on the playground. Who needs invitation? Just jump in. Be in the moment. They don't wonder, "Will anybody like me?" They just do it.
I saw a TedTalk where the presenter asked everyone to draw a 1 minute picture of person next to them. Every drawer was self conscious in their ability and how their drawing would be judged. The one being drawn was worried about the pimple on their face or having bad hair day. Neither person was connecting with each other during this intimate moment. Each was worried about themselves. Joy was replaced by self conscious feelings.
When kids draw a picture of each other, the mood is different. The kid drawer holds up the picture with pride. The kid getting drawn loves seeing the picture no matter what it looks like. The kids connect with each other and experience joy in a simple thing.
Where and when did adults lose this ability? I think when puberty hits we become self conscious. Fear fills us. What if we look or sound stupid. We censor ourselves. We try to fit in and be like everyone else. We fear yes.
I want us to return to being kids. No fear of failure. Be in the moment and enjoy what you're doing.
My husband is a pediatrician. He loves kid patients because they don't worry about the future. They aren't weighed down with thoughts of mortality and mortgages. He can joke with them even when in intensive care unit.
I propose we all be kids again. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Well how do we do this? Live life with improv.
One of my favorite books is Improv Wisdom by Patricia Ryan Madison. It is a short, fast read that contains much wisdom and joy. A colleague whom I've taught and played improv, Jerry Bosch, shared this book with me. It is one of the wisest and truest books I've ever read.
Madison writes of 13 Principles of Improv. For my next 13 blog posts, I will write of each principle.
First principle and most important is to
1) SAY YES!
When the answer to all questions is yes you enter a new world, Madison points out. There is now a world of action, possibility and adventure
Humans long to connect. Yes glues them together. No drives them apart.
Take this example which I'm sure we have all experienced:
You: Let's go to new steakhouse to eat
Partner: No, I don't feel like steak.
(Then Silence)
You: How about about chinese?
Partner: Nah, don't feel like that either.
You: What do u want??!
Partner: I don't know.
How frustrating is this conversation? To me, very! I've been on both ends and neither is fun. It's classic blocking. Every suggestion is met with a no. The person suggesting is getting rejected. Over and over. Worse yet, they don't bring anything not bringing to table. There are no suggestions or ideas. Just no.
How many times do we do this in real life? I bet if you paid attention, you could count this happening everyday. Let's stop all this blocking. All it takes is you.
The yes, and principle is essential to improv and life. In Improv Wisdom, the author writes of how magical the word yes can be:
"When the answer to all questions is yes, you enter a new world, a world of action, possibility and adventure."
Was there any action in the conversation I wrote of above? Nope. Just blocking. It is a lonely feeling being blocked by your partner. How many times do we say no just out of habit or fear? When your partner says, "Let's go run around in the rain!" What's your response? Yes or no? Yes is more fun. It's living in the moment. It's accepting an invitation to action. No is telling your partner you aren't really interested in doing what they want. No shows zero interest in making other person happy.
Saying yes is happiness. If you want to be happy, be around people who say yes. Who are up for adventure and fun. How easy would it have been to say yes in the above conversation? Instead it's a dead end that leaves both people frustrated.
Another problem with the conversation is that the partner just said no and didn't bring another idea. In improv, you have to bring something to the stage. You can't just stand there and let other person do all the talking. It's called bringing a brick to build a house. You both bring bricks to the house and build together.
The partner only needed to offer suggestion. To be part of conversation with you. To make you feel listened to. Just imagine how different you would feel if you partner said no but then said, "I love idea of going out to eat. How about Thai instead?" Yes, instead is much better than No.
Blocking stops any conversation and idea. Then why do we do it? In Improv Wisdom, one answer is that blocking/saying no is our way of trying to control the future. It can be scary and unknown to say yes. It's easier to say no. Let's just make something at home than go out to eat.
So I challenge all of you to say yes to something you were going to say no. Start small. When a friend asks you to go out to lunch or join them for exercise class, say yes! Then be in the moment and see what happens.
Next blog post - improv principle #2
DON'T PREPARE.
Thank you, thank you thank you for sharing your enthusiasm for my little book. Few things make me happier. Your using it to help train lawyers is an inspired idea. Keep on saying YES! And may all of your improvs turn out well!
ReplyDeletePatricia MADSON
I was so delighted to read your message. The author of a book I adored wrote me. Here's a meaningful coincidence. I went to wayne state university law school. I would love to talk to you about improv and trial lawyers. My email is cheryl@carpenterlaw.us. Please drop me a line if interested in maybe co creating an improv class with me. I want to keep going with this flow. Thank you so much for leaving a commen.
DeleteI rarely was able to joke with kids in the ICU. Most were unconscious and had no sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the kids are awake. They are surrounded by people who are scared. They see it in the faces of their parents. If the doctor or resident nurse, whoever, can just be in the moment with the kid and laugh at everyday life, the connection is made. The kid will always trust this dr.
ReplyDeleteWith the unconscious kids, you still have to connect with the parents. I don't always mean a joke is the right thing. I can't tell a joke to save my life. I mean to connect. My husband teaches residents. He said if they say in rounds "baby smith," he makes them go back into the room to ask the first name. When a dr knows the name of the baby and uses that with the parents and anytime talking about that child, there is a connetion
I am understanding there is sarcasm to your post. Not sure where that's coming from. But there are ways to use principles of improv in the Icu with unconscious kids.