Joy of
Joining – Neighborhood Morning Bus Stop
October 9, 2014
I’ll admit it.
I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I needed to go to
work. I yearned for my other
identity – criminal defense attorney. There were times I thought I’d lose my mind as a mom
to two rambunctious sons born just 12 months apart. Those baby and toddler years are exhausting. I was close to an involuntary
commitment after two years of standing next to them, clapping and talking in a
baby voice, as they slid down the slide… Again, again and again.
I’m a lot like my mom in terms of career. My mom was the only woman in
upper management in the automobile industry in the 1980’s. She was a trailblazer. She was also a teacher, news
reporter and poet. She told
me that before I was born, she was home with my brother who was about 5 years
old. My mom was not working
at the time for some reason.
She was mopping the floor, and my brother ran across it, dirtying it up. My mom, who never raises her
voice, raised her voice at that moment.
My brother stopped, and told Mom, “You are nicer when you work.” That single statement from my
brother has stayed in my mom’s mind ever since.
My sons would have said this about me too. Before I opened my eyes and saw
the joy I was missing in everyday moments.
“Twinkle
lights are the perfect metaphor for joy.
Joy
is not a constant. It comes to us
in moments –
often
ordinary moments. Sometimes we
miss out
on
the bursts of joy because we’re too busy
chasing
down extraordinary moments.”
Brene
Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.
I fell in love with Brene Brown after watching one of her
TED Talks. She is vulnerable
psychological based researcher.
She speaks about connection and living a wholehearted life. To live in the moment. So I am doing just that each
morning. In an ordinary moment we
all share if we have school-aged children.
Today’s connection was at the morning bus stop. I am challenging myself to find a
connection each day. With
someone or something. I want
to share it with all of you.
To be encouragement that we can all live in the moment, no matter our
profession or state of life.
So, back to the bus stop. Since the beginning of the school year, my 9 year old has
had new bus stop. It’s a
block farther from our house.
They consolidated bus stops.
When I found out about this, I was annoyed, “Damn, now I have to walk to
the bus stop. This is such a
pain.” Last year, the bus stopped
right next to our house. I
didn’t have to leave the house in the morning. This year, I drive my 8-year old to his new school, as
there are no buses in the morning.
Then I walk my 9-year old to the bus stop two blocks away.
Guess what?
This has become one of my favorite parts of the day. It starts with the drive to
school with Dylan. It’s
uninterrupted one on one time.
We talk. He is
fascinating now that I’m listening without distractions. Dylan has a great suggestion for
all kids who want to get picked when raising their hand at school. Dylan showed me how he does it –
arm straight up, not moving and looking the teacher right in eye. Dylan then showed me how other
kids do it – hand wildly waiving over his head and saying ooh, ooh, me,
me. Dylan asked me, “Who
would you rather pick on? Me or a
kid who is hyper?” I nodded
in agreement. I’m an adjunct
law school trial skills professor.
I pick on the students like Dylan. Dylan looked at me with a smile and said, “It works
every time.”
When I get back home, Bradley and Tiger, our standard
poodle, get ready to walk to the bus stop. Bradley loves this time and so do I. Tiger, the most intelligent dog
ever, instinctually knows the time to leave each morning.
What I enjoy most of this is the other moms that I connect
with at the bus stop. There
are six moms and a gaggle of kids – about ten of them. Plus the dogs.
Each morning, we say hi. We talk about school or what is going on at home. We laugh at what our kids are
doing while waiting for the bus.
We share frustrations, especially about that dang gravel road that put
down in our neighborhood. We
look out for each other. If
one of us is missing, we look for them and alert Miss Judy, the bus
driver. Miss Judy will slow
down the bus when passing by the child’s house just in case they are running
late.
It is very comforting. It is joy through connection in an ordinary
moment. I am finally
connected to the moms of the kids on Bradley’s school bus. Shouldn’t have done this earlier? These women are an essential part of my
life through my son. I may
not see them all the time but the connection with them connects me to a larger
sense connection in the neighborhood and school.
This morning I shared with the ladies that I had started a
blog. I had already shared
that I was taking a sabbatical.
One of their husbands helped me with trial prep in my murder case. That was first time I really had
talked to him. Now I get to
connect with his wife and my neighbors each morning.
What I take away most from the morning bus stop is that
everyday, ordinary moments in life can be joyous if we are not too busy to
notice them. Try to truly
live in the moment. I haven’t
thought about one case at the bus stop this year. I am not distracted, I am connected.
This may seem too simple. How does being in the moment at the bus stop help me in my
life? Think about it. Those minutes at the bus stop,
the ritual and connection each school day, bonds us together. It makes us feel apart of
something larger. That feeling can
last all day if we stay in the moment.
Who or what did you connect with today? Do share…
Stay tuned for tomorrow. Yesterday after my first blog entry, I was asked to be a judge in a national trial competition for law students. I will judging law students during a trial they prepared for at the Federal Courthouse in Detroit. Guess what case facts this national law school competition is using? People State of Michigan v Ted Wafer. My case. I just found out that one of the prosecutors from the trial will be a judge tomorrow too. So surreal. And example of being open to unexpected events. I did not have anything planned Friday except for the bus stop. So tomorrow morning I will be judging law students while they argue as prosecutors and defense lawyers my most recent murder trial. That I lost...
I love you CC!
ReplyDeleteMrs. CC - I sincerely believe that YOU did not lose that case. The jury failed miserably to do their job! We brought this case up after a soccer game, and the women's response was the same as ours - disbelief. She did not know that we had a connection to you. I hope this experience, of being a judge while law students argue this case, benefits everyone in some way. I will continue to pray for you, Ted & everyone else involved.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best experiences I've had in my life, was the opportunity to stay home and take care of my family. I never expected being a stay at home mom and volunteer would be far more rewarding than the career I wanted all those years. Enjoy the school drop off & morning bus stop! You won't regret it!
Thank you, J. Friend. I'm not regretting my decision one bit.
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