Joy of Joining – Neighborhood Morning Bus Stop

October 9, 2014

I’ll admit it.   I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I needed to go to work.  I yearned for my other identity – criminal defense attorney.   There were times I thought I’d lose my mind as a mom to two rambunctious sons born just 12 months apart.  Those baby and toddler years are exhausting.  I was close to an involuntary commitment after two years of standing next to them, clapping and talking in a baby voice, as they slid down the slide… Again, again and again.  

I’m a lot like my mom in terms of career.   My mom was the only woman in upper management in the automobile industry in the 1980’s.   She was a trailblazer.   She was also a teacher, news reporter and poet.   She told me that before I was born, she was home with my brother who was about 5 years old.   My mom was not working at the time for some reason.   She was mopping the floor, and my brother ran across it, dirtying it up.   My mom, who never raises her voice, raised her voice at that moment.  My brother stopped, and told Mom, “You are nicer when you work.”   That single statement from my brother has stayed in my mom’s mind ever since.  

My sons would have said this about me too.   Before I opened my eyes and saw the joy I was missing in everyday moments.

            “Twinkle lights are the perfect metaphor for joy.  

            Joy is not a constant.  It comes to us in moments –

            often ordinary moments.  Sometimes we miss out

            on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy

            chasing down extraordinary moments.” 

              Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection. 

I fell in love with Brene Brown after watching one of her TED Talks.  She is vulnerable psychological based researcher.   She speaks about connection and living a wholehearted life.   To live in the moment.   So I am doing just that each morning.  In an ordinary moment we all share if we have school-aged children.

Today’s connection was at the morning bus stop.   I am challenging myself to find a connection each day.   With someone or something.   I want to share it with all of you.   To be encouragement that we can all live in the moment, no matter our profession or state of life.  

So, back to the bus stop.  Since the beginning of the school year, my 9 year old has had new bus stop.   It’s a block farther from our house.   They consolidated bus stops.   When I found out about this, I was annoyed, “Damn, now I have to walk to the bus stop.  This is such a pain.”  Last year, the bus stopped right next to our house.   I didn’t have to leave the house in the morning.   This year, I drive my 8-year old to his new school, as there are no buses in the morning.  Then I walk my 9-year old to the bus stop two blocks away.  

Guess what?  This has become one of my favorite parts of the day.   It starts with the drive to school with Dylan.   It’s uninterrupted one on one time.   We talk.   He is fascinating now that I’m listening without distractions.   Dylan has a great suggestion for all kids who want to get picked when raising their hand at school.   Dylan showed me how he does it – arm straight up, not moving and looking the teacher right in eye.   Dylan then showed me how other kids do it – hand wildly waiving over his head and saying ooh, ooh, me, me.   Dylan asked me, “Who would you rather pick on?  Me or a kid who is hyper?”   I nodded in agreement.   I’m an adjunct law school trial skills professor.   I pick on the students like Dylan.   Dylan looked at me with a smile and said, “It works every time.” 

When I get back home, Bradley and Tiger, our standard poodle, get ready to walk to the bus stop.   Bradley loves this time and so do I.   Tiger, the most intelligent dog ever, instinctually knows the time to leave each morning.

What I enjoy most of this is the other moms that I connect with at the bus stop.   There are six moms and a gaggle of kids – about ten of them.  Plus the dogs.

Each morning, we say hi.   We talk about school or what is going on at home.   We laugh at what our kids are doing while waiting for the bus.  We share frustrations, especially about that dang gravel road that put down in our neighborhood.   We look out for each other.   If one of us is missing, we look for them and alert Miss Judy, the bus driver.   Miss Judy will slow down the bus when passing by the child’s house just in case they are running late.  

It is very comforting.   It is joy through connection in an ordinary moment.   I am finally connected to the moms of the kids on Bradley’s school bus.   Shouldn’t have done this earlier?  These women are an essential part of my life through my son.   I may not see them all the time but the connection with them connects me to a larger sense connection in the neighborhood and school. 

This morning I shared with the ladies that I had started a blog.   I had already shared that I was taking a sabbatical.   One of their husbands helped me with trial prep in my murder case.   That was first time I really had talked to him.   Now I get to connect with his wife and my neighbors each morning.  

What I take away most from the morning bus stop is that everyday, ordinary moments in life can be joyous if we are not too busy to notice them.   Try to truly live in the moment.  I haven’t thought about one case at the bus stop this year.   I am not distracted, I am connected. 

This may seem too simple.  How does being in the moment at the bus stop help me in my life?   Think about it.   Those minutes at the bus stop, the ritual and connection each school day, bonds us together.   It makes us feel apart of something larger.  That feeling can last all day if we stay in the moment.  

Who or what did you connect with today?   Do share…

Stay tuned for tomorrow.  Yesterday after my first blog entry, I was asked to be a judge in a national trial competition for law students.   I will judging law students during a trial they prepared for at the Federal Courthouse in Detroit.   Guess what case facts this national law school competition is using?  People State of Michigan v Ted Wafer.   My case.   I just found out that one of the prosecutors from the trial will be a judge tomorrow too.   So surreal.   And example of being open to unexpected events.   I did not have anything planned Friday except for the bus stop.   So tomorrow morning I will be judging law students while they argue as prosecutors and defense lawyers my most recent murder trial.   That I lost...